Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A little bit of history...

   I'm not a writer, or a philosopher, and far from being perfect. I decided to start this blog  in an attempt to be healthier, but not just for a period of time.... Yeah I'm the master of starting things and not finishing them up, from my kitchen "re-do" that started.... hummm let's see, about a year ago to every single diet I followed - and you better believe me when I say there has been hundreds.
   I think my first visit to a endocrinologist was at age 7, and after that nutritionists, and acupuncturists, and "miracle workers"..... I have done the lime juice diet, the USP diet, low fat diet, low carb diet, no eating after 5pm diet, weight watchers, liquid diet, starvation diet, only fruit diet, "spirit diet", soup diet.... I could go on, but what's the point, most of them did give me results, but after a while when I was done dieting, I was right back where I had started if not even further back...
   I realized that the problem was ME, yeah it had to be! I mean I hear about all these people going through a number of diets and changing their lives forever.... why in the heck that doesn't ever happen to me?!? I am the kind of person when it comes to eating and emotional I'm 8/80, hot or cold - it's either I'm in or really out! When in a diet if I cheat.... aw my... It's like guilt takes over, I feel like I just committed a murder, and guess where that leads me.... aw yeah to eat even more! It's a vicious cycle.... it's like you are your own worst enemy!
   Then you have people tell you...." Aw you worry too much, if you don't think about what you eat then that won't happen again"... Aw yes it DOES! Like mentioned before I started this battle at a young age, up and down... At the age of 15 I went on this crazy mesotherapy diet I lost about 90 pounds in a matter of 6 months, aw it was great, I was finally getting skinny.... who cares if the only thing I ate most days were 2 hot dogs no bun, a slice of white non fat cheese and black coffee with sweatner.... No way I was seeing results! Do I have to explain to you what happened to me once I was out of that diet?!? At the age of 22 I ballooned a record weight, I was unhappy and depressed, I couldn't see a way out...that's when I learned about gastric bypass, I've had at the time 2 or 3 people in the family that had went through it, and they looked great! As an arian I am, I didn't waste any time, I called thee doctor and made an appointment for that same day, and a process that usually takes about 8 to 12 months to happen took place in only 2 and a half.
   I was 275 pounds when I had that surgery done, a year after I went down to 175 and later on with weight watchers I got down to 148 which made me very happy since I'm 5'9. Well after about a year of weight watchers I just didn't have the will to follow the program anymore, so there again ups and downs.
   It seems it's even worst for me, when I'm going through stress, anxiety, changes....I eat myself fat! Well as of today, which I consider to be the worst shape I have been for the past 5 years, I decided I have to do something to change, the whole idea of a blog sounded really silly at first.... but then it made me think well, if you put it out there, you'll feel obligated to keep going. I'm not trying to become a super model or a stick, I just want balance, be able to eat healthy and exercise, while living my life!
   Last night I made the first smart choice in a good while, and that led me to eat well today and exercise, I'm getting this fitness program I want to do at home for a kick start, I know a lot of people who's done it and had great results, but I don't want to go crazy at that and then let go, I want to use it to get strong and then balance things out... I'll probably be starting the program in a couple of weeks, but like I said I have already started to live a healthier life style.
   I'll try my best to post all of  my victories and losses, since this is something I'm  really not used to do, I'm usually really good at sweeping it under the rug and leaving it for later...which is probably the reason why I am where I am in the first place...  Aw boy,I need some therapy! But that's another chapter :) - So as of today after a painful visit to my most feared enemy, "The Scale" I found out I weight 175lbs - it really hurts to see that number, but aw well that's reality biting me in the a**! My ultimate goal is 155lbs not that far-fetch! So buckle up and enjoy the ride.